Freeform has, in all probability, outdone itself. 

The cable community Sunday aired a sequel to the seminal 2000 TV film “Lifestyles-Dimension,” during which a tiny Lindsay Lohan by chance brings her doll  (performed through Tyra Banks) to lifestyles, and it’s through some distance the most unearthly factor on TV this yr. 

“Lifestyles-Dimension” used to be a kind of movies that aired apparently each week at the Disney Channel within the early 2000s, and it seems that received sufficient of a cult standing to warrant a sequel, which brings again Banks, however, sadly, now not LiLo. As a substitute, Francia Raisa (“Grown-ish”) steps in as Grace, the younger CEO of the toy corporate that manufactures the Eve doll, who wishes some lend a hand from her life-size highest buddy to seek out her middle. Additionally, the that means of Christmas and a boyfriend and her mother and a few different issues, too, as a result of why now not?

Freeform’s blatant millennial nostalgia play is – shocker! – stuffed with nostalgia and millennials, with only a sprinkling of Gen Z “wokeness” in there for the kiddies. The entire concept of “Lifestyles-Dimension 2: A Christmas Eve” (for the reason that doll is known as “Eve”!) is absurd, and the general product begins out hilariously unhealthy ahead of going off-the-rails bonkers, ranging from Banks rapping to a legal conspiracy to what I am beautiful certain is a model of hell.  

Like the primary movie, the doll is dropped at lifestyles through a resurrection spell and sings a music about shining vivid and shining some distance and being a celebrity. However there are some definitive twists to the components. As an example, when Grace wakes up with a abnormal girl in her mattress, she simply assumes she blacked out and connected. (The choice of unhealthy intercourse jokes on this scene is beautiful staggering, for what is supposedly a youngsters film.)

Many of the movie is composed of groan-worthy fish-out-of-water jokes that depend on seeing Banks wandering around the globe in a complete night time robe and large wig. As a result of Freeform made up our minds to make it a Christmas film, there may be additionally a collection set in some more or less Christmas theme park, the place Grace bonds with a hunky man whose title I will’t even bear in mind, however he has a lovely little sister and simply sufficient scruff to look all the way down to Earth. 

The entirety’s going through the Hallmark Christmas film components, all the way down to an emotional reunion between Grace and her estranged mom, till the movie’s totally insane climax. After being ousted as CEO of her toy corporate, Grace crashes a shareholders assembly in probably the most obnoxious millennial crimson swimsuit and items a brand new model of Eve this is so shockingly tone deaf chances are you’ll want it used to be a parody of company The usa seeking to be hip with the children as a substitute of a heroine’s triumphant victory. A few of the worst portions of the scene: A “Woke Eve Doll” whole with crimson protest hat, and Banks rapping like Cardi B, without any of her talent. My pores and skin crawls  simply remembering the scene. 

However none of that compares to the belief I had when Eve will get her glad finishing. Right through the movie, Eve has been creepily pursued through a chef she meets at brunch (who at all times wears his chef coat, even at a shareholders assembly). When she tells him that she has to go away for “Sunnyvale,” the bizarre doll international she got here from, he consents to head along with her, however there may be one downside: He thinks it is in Arizona.  As a substitute of hopping on Southwest Airways, Eve says a spell and kidnaps her beau to a crimson hellscape, the place all of the meals is plastic and he’s going to, , by no means see his pals or circle of relatives once more. 

However it is all wonderful, as a result of Christmas, I suppose? If that is nostalgia, I am completely wonderful leaving the previous in the back of. There are some amusing moments and references (together with a photograph of a tender Lohan) however inevitably, “Lifestyles-Dimension 2” is extra hole than the company baddies who attempt to prevent the Eve doll from being made. And did I point out the bizarre doll-nightmare international factor?

If Freeform is searching for extra overdue 90s/early 2000s millennial fare to restore, would possibly I recommend Disney Channel classics “Zenon: Lady of the 21st Century” or “Good Area”?

Simply not more dolls. I shudder to suppose what “Lifestyles-Dimension three” may deliver. 

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